Cubicle Worker Goes Bezerk; Shoots 20

Albany, New York - Twenty-eight year old Ronald Newman, a cubicle worker whom colleagues described as "shy and withdrawn," went berserk in a an insurance company claims department last Tuesday and roamed the halls for 15 minutes randomly shooting co-workers with a SuperSoaker squirt gun.

"I was minding my own business," one shaken victim said, "just sitting there eating my Mars Bar, and I suddenly felt this cold, gushy feeling down my back. It was horrible. It went all the way down into my shorts."

While employers have nervously watched as more and more employees try to combat boredom and personalize their cubicles with squeeze balls, Slinkies and light-up skulls, this is the first incidence of a worker using a toy with such frightening abandon.

Anti-toy activists used the incident to underscore their warning that "with the uncontrolled proliferation of toys in corporate America, this will happen again. Toys are too easy for the wrong people to get." A bill is now before Congress to impose a 7-day waiting period on all cap, water and Nerfball guns.

National Toy Association Vice President Charlton Heston responded with a statement that "toys don't squirt people, people squirt people." He went on to say that while Newman was misguided, he was within his rights to own and use a SuperSoaker.

Word of the assault spread quickly over the internet, and along the way picked up a term for the new phenomenon: it's called "Going Dilbert."

"Yes, I've heard of it," said the U.S. Post Office Attorney General. "Thank God. Maybe now people will quit picking on us all the time."